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Hey Coach Nancy,

My friend really doesn't listen. Sometimes she even interupts me. I really like being with her, but it seems like I'm always doing the listening and never really being listened too?

Suggestions?

Susie

Dear Susie,

This may be a simple matter of establishing boundaries in a relationship. A tool that I often share in my workshops is a simple 4 step process. Use this with your partner, children, co-workers, friends.

Back to your specific situation Susie. It seems that this - person is important to you so let's see if you can find a way to make this work for both of you.

Have you talked to your friend about this? Most people find it difficult to tell others what they really need. Your friend isn't reading your non-verbals so it might be time to say something.

Start out with something like, "Do you realize ...that you just interupted me?" Generally most people will respond favorably to this simple statement. The trick is to say it without judgment. Practice a neutral voice - have fun trying this in the mirror.

If that doesn't work - it might be time to be more direct. Tell them just what you need to make the relationship work. "I wonder if I could just talk and you would simply listen and support me here?" Use your own words. Make it real.

Most likely you have started to change the nature of your relationship at this point. If not and you still want to invest time in change - you need to step up to the plate a bit more. This time, you will explain that you have already asked and that it is important to you to have the relationship more balanced -where both parties have a chance to talk and be listened to. Follow this up with your decision about how you will respond if you are unable to have these changes. "I love spending time with you, but honestly I won't be able to get together so often if I continue to feel......"

Then step 4 is to take action. Of course with lifelong friends or family, we may choose not to end the relationship. However, time is precious Susy and you are valuable. You may choose to see this person only four or five times a year or even to discontinue the friendship.

Take back your power and find your voice in your relationships!! You do deserve this.

Best wishes for happier, friendlier, and noisier relationships where you are saying your piece!

Coach Nancy

Ever feel like a doormat?

That's what happens when

you don't know how to set boundaries. It happens mostly to us grown-up "nice girls." We are so accustomed to helping out whenever we are able that we forget to first take care of ourselves first. Then people count on us. Boy, do they ever!

"Without you there is nothing"

Attraction Principle #1

Extreme Self-Care

Nancy is a licensed Attraction Coach.

Go to www.coachnancy.net

for more information on

Attraction and speaking engagements.